"From the Inside Out"
Mary Rose, Medium

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(excerpt)
St. Patrick’s School
Seneca Falls, NY
​1975-1984


I can still remember the first day of Kindergarten.  My father’s cousin was my teacher.  I was extremely excited and totally felt at home.  That’s where I began noticing the beautiful statues that flanked the hallways, including those of Mother Mary.  


For the next 8 years, I would always have this interesting obsession with the bottom part of Her statue which showed her feet and a snake crawling across them.  Stopping, whether in line or on my way to the lavatory, I would stare for a moment as if to ‘catch up’ with Her.  Her presence made me feel full.  Loved.  


I never questioned those moments until lately.  It was natural for me, what I always felt and what my routine was in those halls.  No one ever knew.  I never had reason to share; I knew it was private, for me.


Grade 3.  Miss Brown’s class.  
Lizzie’s grandmother was dying.  
Miss Brown (studying to be a nun at the time), asked us all to gather around Lizzie, who was seated, and each of us place hands on the friend in front of us - and those closest to Lizzie, to touch Lizzie’s shoulders.  It was a Healing moment; unconventional at the time. 
(Good for Miss Brown, btw!  Wherever you are now, you made a difference!)


There were 20 of us, heads bowed, praying for Lizzie’s grandmother, touching shoulders, exchanging energy and love.  As little children, how pure our hearts.  And I FELT it.  I felt ALL of the Love, prayers and concern Lizzie and her family expressed.


I can’t remember how long we were in the Healing moment but I do remember the feeling of “not being fully done” with it when Miss Brown had us all go back to our desks.  I felt like I was floating.  My soul was screaming, “not yet…we’re not done yet”!  


I was standing, not able to move.  Everyone else was walking past me back to their seats.  I saw their faces.  I felt the break in the prayer.  I was confused.  I just stared straight ahead.  That’s when I became weak and, as everything began to turn like the night sky around me, Peter walked toward me and I fell onto his shoulder.  I felt him shrug me off (if you an imagine an 8 year old boy having a GIRL fall onto him!) and down I went to the cold, hard floor of the classroom. 


We didn’t have uniforms that year but we did have a dress code.  I had on my white cardigan sweater.  


I woke to everyone running down the halls screaming and vomiting.  My white sweater clearly showed all of the blood rushing from my chin.


Someone brought me to the nurse’s office where my father met to bring me to the hospital.  I can still feel his hands holding my left hand while they put 6 stitches in my chin.  “Daddy’s here, honey.  Daddy’s her……”. Down he went.  Ha!  I tried sitting up to see where ‘daddy went!’ But the nurses pushed me back down saying, “he’ll be right back”.  Little did I know, my father was resting comfortably on the hospital floor next to me!  ;). He needed the use of ‘smelling salts’ to wake back up!  I guess he got a glimpse of my chin bone.  Poor dad.  :)


During my years at St. Pat’s, we would walk to the church for Mass on a regular basis.  I adored walking by the convent, where the our parish nuns lived.  I never went inside but wanted to!  The rectory was cool to me as well but not as interesting.  


At Mass, I relished in the music and the voices praising Him.  I did recognize early on that I did not want to sing in church.  It made me very emotional and I could not put my finger on the exact reason; I just knew it not for me.


My love for the Rosary began during those St. Pat’s years.  The beauty in it's colors and the purposeful use and meaning.  I cherished each Rosary I held.  To this day, I sleep with my Aunt Lorraine’s pink beads.  It has come apart a bunch of times, due to my tight, nightly grasp.  Yet, it doesn’t matter.  The love, meaning and purpose is still intact. 

I believe all people are created with complete goodness.

Let me state that again;  I believe all people are created with complete goodness. 
Every person.  Everywhere.
Period.

It is our individual choice weather we hide, divert, show a little glimpse or fully shine out this goodness;  this Gold, if you will.  

Remember Play-Doh and it's line of 'crazy cuts'?  You'd place the Play-Doh into the character thimbles and, in order for the "hair to grow", you'd use the pumper to sort of push it out.  Fun stuff!  Well ~ some of us have thrown our pumpers.  haha!  But not everybody...

You see, in this scenario, the Play-Doh is the goodness.  It is the Gold.  Any child will agree with that!  A child will go thru hours of the process* just to view the (ultimately) painless and quick result.  They will be just as excited the 38th time they see "the hair grow out" as much as the first time!  

*He will first choose the perfect character thimble.  Next, He carefully chooses the best color, the perfect size modeling compound; a.k.a. the goodness.  ;)  Then, with a huge smile and high hopes, He fills the character thimble with it's "Gold".  He is SO EXCITED by this point because He KNOWS that the shape will be transformed soon and it, most likely, won't even be recognizable after this point!  Wow!!!

Now ~
Go back and re-read the above* by recognizing what God has done within each of us when He created us.

The pumper piece?  Well, we were each Gifted with many of those things!  You see, our Gold coming to light, our goodness, is as diverse a process as our lives themselves.  We may show a little goodness when we first discover a talent.  We may show a little more when we first feel love from someone.  We may really show more once we learn to trust and to love someone, in return.  Sometimes it takes someone else to bring it out of us - thru their generosity and actions ~ a word or a song.  I know a few friends who admit they had no idea until they had a child (how much love they were equipped to handle!).  Beyond my own four children, it is within the funny memes my best friend sends to me as well as the random texts saying "I miss u" along with surprise cheesecake and joyrides with music blasting that has done it for this girl!  ALL of these examples can remind us that we are good.  We are FULL of goodness.  We are worthy.  We are worth loving and being loved.  And it all keeps us going.  

What if you don't feel your goodness will ever (fully) shine out?  If you're the one who just muttered that question in your head, it just came out.  For you are humble.  That's a great sign, my friend.  :)

If your mind is currently wandering towards someone who has scorned you or hurt you in your past....say "thank you" to them.  They were most likely a teacher to you.  A lesson you won't forget.  A stepping stone that placed you (back) on your way to what you truly want in this life.  A reminder.
But make no mistake - they are also full of goodness.  They are also God's Child.  

Today is the day to let it all go.  The past hurts, the future fears (God is not fear) and your goodness/your Gold.  Do something fabulous for someone - and something for yourself too.


OK.  Eyes on your own paper now.
Go forward and Shine out your Gold. 
XO

For the many of you who have asked about the transplant process (significant to my son, age 25, heart transplant patient) ~


I always thought that when Cameron was truly ready for a new heart, a doctor would simply state, "you're on the list!" ~ but I am far off!  :)  This is what has transpired for Cameron...
(born w/Congenital Heart Disease - Hypoplastic right heart syndrome with L-transposition, Tetralogy of Fallot, interrupted aeorta - basically single ventricle).  
(First open heart surgery performed at 11 months of age.  Next 2, same week, at 4 years old.  Last open heart in January of 2000 at 7 years old "Fontan Surgery".  2 open chest surgeries performed, ages 12 and 16.  Much more)


In February of this year (2017), Cameron was to have his pacemaker replaced.  He's had his pacer since age 12 and has always battled with his top leads not functioning properly.  When he was 16 years old, they went in and replaced those leads - but still, always a situation. (note:  because of Cameron's condition and the proper pacemaker placement, both of these surgeries were 'open chest').

So I flew up to NY to be with him thru his pacemaker surgery only to rapidly find out (the day I landed) that after much consult, his doctors agreed that another pacemaker was simply band-aiding Cameron's future.  His liver was found to be 'sick', as well.  So I spent a week living at the hospital with my son while he endured extensive tests such as liver biopsy, cardiac cath, scans and more.  After all, it was determined that he should consult a transplant hospital and team.  I will never forget that conversation - with the doctors walking into his room, closing his door, just Cam, his father and I present.  But those doctors (Strong Memorial, Rochester NY) were so loving - I will be forever grateful.  


Due to Cameron's condition (and being a "Fontan Patient" - one of the specialized surgeries he had at a younger age), our only NY option would be Manhattan (a 5-hour drive from our hometown).

So, we asked about Florida (where I now live) and the options opened up pretty wide!  Tampa, Miami and Gainesville...all within 3 hours of my home.  **Blessed**


I flew Cameron down to me on April 23; his first appointment with Dr. Hardin (Tampa) was the next morning.  

More blood tests, exams and meeting of other doctors ~ it was found Cameron also has PLE - so is also losing muscle due to the lack of protein in his body.  Dr. Hardin changed a few of Cameron's medicines and found a 'nice cocktail of meds' which should help aid in his PLE as well as his cardiac condition.  He also talked with us about the transplant team in Gainesville, Florida - stating they have better experience in dealing with Cameron's "Fontan" condition.  A cardiac cath was scheduled for May by this Tampa team of docs - and so we moved Cameron to Florida as we found hope!

It was also explained to us that a patient needs to really exhaust ALL MEDICINAL MEANS first before going into a transplant option.  When a patient receives a new heart, the timer begins to count down (yes, to death of the body).  This is because it is the last and final option.  If medicine can extend a patient's life - even for a few more months PRIOR to a transplant - well, then that's what you do.  And again, THEN the 'timer' counts down after transplant.  But I suppose we all have timers now, don't we?  ;)


Moving from NY (and Cam's independence) to Florida ~
My father, step-mother, brother and son (Cam's younger brother) all helped Cam clean out his apartment and store items at the different homes (grandparents).  My brother purchased Cam's car (and still lends it to him when he visits NY!).  It was a very difficult time for my son but the family was fantastic!  

I switched around his primary doctors, his address, his insurance paperwork and anything else that came up on this end.  I quickly turned our guest room into his full-on space.



On May 25, his cardiac cath was again completed and it was determined that his liver was not any worse - holding steady as "stage 1 fibrotic....not cirrhotic.  This was good.  The new cocktail of meds was surely working.  Cam was looking better and feeling good!  

He had a follow-up appointment in Tampa beginning of June and that's when it was decided that meds are doing their job - it's time to meet the transplant team in Gainesville while things are 'quiet'.  As they say, "You need to be sick enough for a transplant BUT well enough to go thru it".

On September 27, we finally met the transplant team at University of Florida Health - Shands Hospital in Gainesville, Florida.  Cameron had an echocardiogram as well as much lab work done. 

One of the first steps is this lab work includes a special anti-body blood panel to determine "to what degree" a patient is susceptible to rejecting a transplant.  In Cameron's case, it was determined as "negative" which means....onto further testing!  Still on track for transplant!  And so, a 4-day transplant evaluation was then scheduled for November.

During the transplant eval - 
Cameron was out-patient the entire week.  Because we live 3+ hours from Shands Hospital, we drove up a day early and checked into our hotel for the week.  They did give us a "Shands patient" discount - so it was about $80 per day.  Nothing fancy at ALL - esp considering we'd hardly be there except to shower and sleep.  
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Cameron endured the following that week:
cardiac cath (yes, again)
liver biopsy (one had not be updated since Feb)
echocardiogram
abdominal ultrasound
CT Scan with contrast
cardiopulmonary exercise/testing
stress test
Psychiatry visit (to be sure he understands this process and can handle it, mostly)
Nutritionist visit (there will be follow-ups to this, as well)
Social Worker visit (conversations about affordability, living arrangements during surgery, post-transplant and beyond....so much information covered)


And now, we wait for this entire team (above) to present his case and determine one of 3 things:
1.  Yes - he is on a transplant list. (for heart?  for heart and liver?)
2.  No - he is not on transplant list (could medical means continue until exhausted?  Is the transplant seemingly to be too much for him to endure? - lots of reasons)
3.  Need more testing/information.  


We were told the Team gets together to present cases each and every Monday.  So this process is handled quickly. 

Other information we took away with us:
If he is determined to be on the transplant list ~
When the call comes in that there is a heart available for my son, we are to be at Shands within 3 hours for the surgery.  This means bags will be packed and ready to go on a moment's notice.

Cam is expected to remain in the hospital up to a month post-transplant surgery.  I will remain in Gainesville, as well.  There are apartments affiliated with the hospital (2 bedrooms, furnished) for approx $1200/month.  We will need it for at least 2 months.  

After he is discharged from the hospital, he needs to stay at least a month nearby (hence the 2 bedroom apartment).  They will be closely monitoring his (tens of) rejection meds thru blood work, etc.  God forbid he gets sick or acquires a fever, it could be rejection.  So this will be a very trying time for Cam.  Only positive thoughts though!!!  xoxo

After being allowed to go "home", he will still need to visit Shands every month - perhaps twice a month - for testing and check-ups.  And eventually, these appointments will wean off to every few months or when needed.



I ask for prayers not only for my son - but for his brother Brandon (age 24), his little sisters Rhiannon, Aleah, Morgan, Olivia and Chloe and for his littlest brother Griffin.  Prayers also for his father and step-mother (Cam is the oldest of now 8 children between our new families!)  :)  Prayers for all grand-parents.  Prayers especially for his loving friend Nick (lives in Chicago).  

xo ~Mar.










In May, this Tampa team of doctors performed another cardiac cath on Cameron to look for themselves.  

Three times this past week, I have had my gut ripped out by those who have crossed over by their own hand and by their own intentions.  Please forgive me for being so candid.  There is no other way for me to release these feelings of anguish than by writing in a very raw way.  This will not be politically correct. This is what I have personally and professionally felt and learned.  I truly feel the push - the need - to share with as many people as I am able.  Weeks like these are not coincidental.  Please feel free to share, yourself.

Let me begin by saying that among these readings, 1 constant does remain; They are with God.  No matter how they left - why the left - who they were in this world - what ailed them while in this physical life, they ARE in the presence of The Creator.  

I will also say that this is the most difficult Blog to write.

Those left behind here in the physical world often ask the same questions:
"Is he okay?"
"Why did she do this to herself?  To us?"
"Does he regret what he did?"
"Is she in Hell?"

I am going to attempt to answer these common questions with answers and insight I have received from Spirit.  Believe me, I cry along with my clients.  I FEEL not only what they feel (empathic) but I also feel what the person who passed felt (sadness, dizziness, drunkenness, confusion, or pain, etc).  Afterwards, I also feel "left behind".  I usually need time to myself to Heal and to fill back up before proceeding to another Reading.  Most times, i feel plain empty.

We have to remember that Spirit (those who have passed on before us, allowed to communicate in many ways thru the Holy Spirit) still hold their personality.  They are a heightened version of who they were here in the physical world, when alive, as we knew them.  They are in the presence of God and are WHOLE, once more.  

"Is he okay?"
Yes.  He or she is okay.  I have never encountered a Spirit who has crossed over to God and not been okay.  They are usually very eager to communicate!  However, they are almost never eager to discuss, much less let me in on how they passed.  This is why it's always a *punch* to my gut - when (usually at the end of the session) they let me know.  I always see the word "suicide" and usually they show me what vehicle was used to end their body's life.

It's interesting to me that usually - like 85% of the time - when Spirit shows up to me, they let me know who they are and how they passed.  For instance, if someone appears who passed of a lung disease, they make me breathe funny.  :)  Or if they passed in an accident, I feel the impact and hear the snap of fingers (*it was quick*).  But with a suicide...nothing.  Even when I try and probe, they tell me "pay no mind" or "no bother", "doesn't matter".  You see, death - how they passed - is really not why they're wanting to communicate.  What they really want you to know?  How to Live and How to Love.

"Why did she do this to herself?  To us?"
As you know, I am not a clinician.  I am not a qualified counselor on the subject of suicide.  These are my stories; my truths.  

There are many reasons why we all do things.  Why we love - why we cheat - why we argue - why we laugh - and yes, also why we choose to give up on this amazing Gift of Life.  For the Spirits I have encountered who passed of suicide, there are still various reasons as to why they made the decision they ultimately made.

Some tell me they "didn't think it would really work".  Plain and simple.  Some have explained they were drunk or on some other substance and weren't really thinking a plan through.  Next thing they knew, "I was in front of God."  

A few have explained to me they felt SO much love for this world - for those around them - that they could not contain it any longer.  This is the most difficult to translate.  I personally refer to this as the "Robin Williams effect".  It is a deadly mixture of severe, clinical depression and hope - mixed with a felt Love they cannot claim here in the physical world.  A love that can only be felt in His Arms, exclusively.

Those in Spirit who have translated this to me also express the Peace they felt when they made that final decision.  


We all have free will.  God allowed us free will.  However in my experience, once passed, many souls either
*embrace their decision
still *work thru their decision (with God's help)
or *try and convey to their loved ones left behind to never make that decision themselves.  For they now see the beauty and the true Gift that Life offers.  

Life offers us the chance to make mistakes and to learn from them.  And with each lesson learned, our soul grows a higher consciousness.  It's as if we elevate to a higher plain.  


"Does he regret what he did?"
Most do tell me they regret the fact that they could not fix how they were feeling in their physical bodies.  They feel our pain - and they pray for our understanding.  



"Is she in Hell?"
No.  Not the Hell in which most of us see as a physical, burning world.  My experiences, studies and now belief is of our own inspired mental grief, "Hell".  And no, not every Spirit feels this pain.  I've only been privy to a small handful dealing with it.  

I will give you an example instead of the teaching word/trying to translate:
You are busy getting the kids ready for school and one spills his grape juice all over your white sofa.  He was screwing around instead of finishing up, as you asked him to do a million times already.  You impulsively scream at him, telling him things like, "You NEVER do what you're supposed to do!" and "I can't STAND you anymore!".  He goes off to school, clearly upset while you're scrubbing up the mess.  Minutes later, your heart stops and you pass.

What is now going thru your mind?  Even though you are now in the presence of our Almighty Lord, who allows you free will, even still - by the way....  What are you thinking?  Your last words to your son.  You agonize over this.  You try to correct the situation and your words, but you are not physically here to do so, as you once would have.  You thought you had time.  Hell.  Your own Hell.  

There are so many incarnations of our own Hell.  This is only a small example.


Please - if you are reading this blog and are experiencing feelings of emptiness, doubt or hopelessness - seek help.  Email me immediately and I will reach out for you - for help, understanding.  We all go thru heavy life situations - none of us are alone in any circumstance.  I promise you that.  I also promise you love.  You will get there.  Grab a cup of coffee and have a real conversation with your Maker.  You can yell, scream, accuse....The Creator can take it.  :)  He made you too.  He made you perfect.  He also trusts you enough to be that perfect self in an un-perfect world.  Take on the challenge.  Keep in touch with Him.  Today starts anew.  You Are Needed.  Your talents, your words, your beautiful smile...someone needs you right now.

And if you were looking for a sign not to end your life....this is it.  XO


#suicidepreventionlifeline.org  #1-800-273-8255

#yellowribbon.org

Veteran's Crisis Line #1-800-273-8255 or Text to #838255

In Charlotte County, FL  #941-575-0222

When in the process of Reading with someone & I receive my "fence" feeling, I have learned it only means one thing; Dementia.

Dementia is a term that is often associated with the cognitive decline of aging.  There are several issues that can cause dementia such as Alzheimer's, Huntington's Disease, Parkinson's Disease and Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.  


Ok.  My "Fence" feeling.  It's the only way for me to describe the feeling I receive of someone being accessible to 2 different worlds; "Here" (our physical world) and 'There' (in Spirit).  It's like they are sitting on a tall fence.  They lean into either world - at any given moment.  For me, it also comes with a side of "fogginess".  Confuses me a bit because I'm not sure if the person has passed on yet or is still here in the physical world.  

The dementia patient, of course, does not have any control into which side they are leaning while stationed on this 'fence'.  

The closer the person gets to (physical) death, they do seem to become more aware of accessing these 2 worlds.  They begin verbalizing experiences that we just can't relate to, such as seeing vibrant colors or hearing Angels sing.  We experience them engaging in conversation with "Uncle Joe" or "Aunt Eva" who passed several years ago.  They may even ask us if we see "Grandma Davis" standing over in the corner.  Otherwise, they really have no recollection and both worlds are quite separate until this time.

Spirit has taught me not to be so upset when I am with family members and friends who are experiencing dementia, in any of it's forms.  In visiting with my grandmother years ago, I remember getting super upset when she would become aggravated.  It would provoke outbursts/mood swings.  Knowing what I know now, I often wonder if she was simply trying to go back to a place where she had more control of her life ~ of where she was leaning?  

When she would stare into space...or so I thought :) ~ perhaps she was having a mini-visit with my grandfather (who was in Spirit)?  

And when she was fully present - she was totally with me, with her soul secured in her physical body.


There was a woman whom I loved dearly.  She was my friend's grandmother.  I will call her "Maria".  
I watched Maria's dementia process from start to finish.  She progressed fairly rapidly from forgetfulness (such as leaving a pot of boiling water on the stove and forgetting it) to believing her newly formed truths (for example, thinking her daughter-in-law was trying to poison her).  It was the most demeaning, degrading and heartbreaking of life's unfoldings.  

About 2 weeks after Maria's passing, she came to me in a dream.  She was standing, arm in arm, with her husband!  She was smiling, vibrant and SO ALIVE!  She asked me to please let her daughter-in-law know that she never meant the words she had said to her.  She loved her.  She truly wanted for her daughter-in-law to move on from those negative moments.  

I remember how difficult it was for me to pass on those words - for her daughter-in-law had no idea of my Gift of Sensitivity.  But I knew in my heart and soul that it wasn't about me.  So, the next day I told her.  A very positive, life-changing experience for us both, gratefully.  :)

My advice for those of you currently caring for someone with any form of dementia - at any stage?  Know they are okay.  Pray for Grace and understanding  -  for both of you.  :)  
When they seem disconnected; know they are.  Patiently, wait for their return without hindering their soul's flight.  
And when they are fully present?  Tell them you love them.  

I welcome your feedback and encourage you to share your experiences in the comments below.

My love and God's Blessings to all of you,
Mary Rose xo


Side note:  Isn't it interesting that little children are so close to the veil, to Spirit - AND those who are in the later stages of life (no matter what age).  What happens to us in between those years?  What propels us to extend the gap between this (physical) life and the other?  

Take a moment to place your hands together, palm to palm, as if you're praying.  This is how close little children are to God, Spirit.  

Now, spread your arms out wide!  This is the gap that happens (for most of us) in our teens years - thru our 20s, 30s, and sometimes even in our 40s.  

Now, slowly bring your hands back together.  This is my example of the life circle closing and our spirits craving a closeness with God (again).  We are preparing ourselves for life, ever-after.  




  

Yep.  You read that right.  Sometimes for me, Trusting God with life decisions is like going on an amusement park ride!

You walk into the "fun" park - maybe your family is in tow - and you look around at all the rides.  Some rides make you smile; some make you cringe; some you just want to walk on past before someone tries to drag you on 'their' ride.  

If you have kids, you tell them how much FUN the ride will be!  That they shouldn't ever be afraid!  You encourage them to try it!  Say things like, "you'll be glad you went on it" and "it's never so bad - just looks that way from here"!

And then....it's your turn for the ride.  Yikes.

It's so much easier to teach about the ride - to describe the ride - to tell others to 'hang on'.  But alas, it's your turn.  

You stare at it for a while.  You look around at those who are going on - getting off.  You conjure up all the ways it'll fail you.  You really don't believe you'll get hurt, nor it'll really fail, but your doubts do creep in!  

Then you take a deep breath and enter.

You lock yourself in and suddenly before you're really ready - you're off!

Going up, you try to look straight ahead but you find yourself naturally look down!  Then, you look around.  You tell yourself how pretty the view is - even though you're ready to vomit.  :)

As you reach the top - you know what's coming.  Down you go!  Full speed ahead!

YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL AT ALL !

You drop - you twist - you turn left, turn right!  You bang your knees, bump your elbow!

During that one, small section you feel as if "that was it?"  No, it was not.  You quickly realize you're only half way thru!

You scream - you laugh - your hair is sooooo not even in the same shape when you started!  LOL

And then, it slows down.  You're almost at the end of your ride.

You pass the gate where there are 100s of others waiting in line for the same ride.  Some, you surmise, will have a similar experience.  Some will not.

When you get off and exit, you tell yourself, "I did it".  And you pause for a moment and smile.

You MIGHT even think, "I wouldn't mind going on that again if I had to!"  

But in the end, you are safe and you are a changed person.  You have more experience, that's for sure!


And you thank Him for keeping you safe and for placing you somewhere, doing something you never would have guessed in a million years.  His Plan was Perfect.  

Thank you for the ride, Father!

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If you have not already read my January 20th Blog titled, "My Aunt Lorraine", I invite you to do so now, as this is an update for all of you to enjoy.

It's taken me some time to sort this all out, to come to terms with the reality of what transpired...

When I woke up from that last visit with my Aunt Lor, I honestly didn't understand why she came to me.  My experiences, and perhaps yours too, are usually sensible.  There's always a reason - a timing - a calculated movement.  

Because of the January events surrounding my family, I settled into thinking, "well, that's why....she's just around" but that reason never fully set me at ease, ya know?  In the month of January (starting in 2000), my oldest son had his 4th open-heart surgery at the age of 7.  While he was in the hospital recovering from post-surgery/pneumonia, my grandfather Thomas D'Eredita Sr. passed away, unexpectedly.  He was my heart.  Both my father's and my eldest uncle's birthdays, shared, the day prior to Poppy's death.  A few years later, my maternal grandmother passed - sharing the same death date as my grandfather's.  A very emotional month.  I'm not a numbers girl but there's got to be something said for numbers.

Anyway, here it was - January again.  There she was, my amazing aunt.

There are only 2 sisters in my paternal grandparent's family.  4 boys, 2 girls.  My 2 aunts were inseparable, always.  When Aunt Lor passed, Aunt Mar was never the same.  I would talk with her on the phone late at night and she always loved that because she missed Lorraine giving her the daily rundown late each night.  She would talk to me about the dreams she'd had ~ one while visiting her sister Lorraine and mother Angie, both in Spirit.  One of them was holding a baby and celebrating.  About a month later, Aunt Mar found out she was going to be a great-grandmother again!  i could go on and on....

Back to my update.

Within 3 days of Aunt Lor's visit, I received word from my father that my Aunt Mary Ann had taken a turn for the worse, suddenly.  And within a week, she passed.

I know why Aunt Lor was around - was around us all.  

As Mary wrote in the comments (Jan 20th Blog), "...butterflies are a symbol of transformation and beauty".  Yes, very correct.  :)

I can only imagine what the 2 of them are doing right now...  :)

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Happy New Year 2016 all!!!  
The past year I've been asked quite a few questions regarding "all things being Medium" and I'd like to address some of the most popular today.  

Here goes!

*How long have you been a Medium?*
All of my life.  :)  My earliest recollection was at age 2.  I remember my Uncle Bill babysitting me.  He was a huge athlete and there was a game on the tv.  I just could not wait to get out of my crib and visit with him!  So, I tried climbing out of my crib but I (still to this day) remembered hearing voices and seeing a few people who were discouraging me from doing so!  haha!  They wanted to keep me safe.  When I wouldn't listen, they resorted to helping me move out gently.  "Put your foot right there honey..."  "Down a little bit more" etc etc.  Finally, I was able to get onto the floor and toddle out to my uncle.  I remember him laying on his left side on the floor in front of the tv, his hands propping his head up.  He turned around and looked at me startled, "What are YOU doing out here?"  


*I bet your husband/children can't get away with anything!*
Well, thank goodness I have an amazing guy who has no need to 'get away with anything' - my kiddos are pretty special too!  Phew!  However, no....either way....I cannot 'read' my family.  There's just too much emotion involved.  I love to encourage them and watch them soar ~ and I do chime in with the usual "wife/motherly basic instincts" ~ but we all have them.  ;)


*Where are some of the craziest places you've ever read?*
This question always makes me smile.  I'd guess you'd have to define 'craziest places'!  For me, they'd be the most unusual moments.  
~ Out to dinner with my family and a friend of my daughter's.  A very quick, uplifting moment for our waitress.  
~ At the beach while getting to know a new friend.  The 'craziest' part was when my new friend finally asked me (after 3 hours of being together) what I "do" and while I was very nervous trying to gently explain "I'm a Medium" to her, a woman immediately overheard and came to me....instant read.  In the end, I never had to explain to my new friend - she simply got it.  haha!
~ Swimming in the Gulf of Mexico with my husband and friends.  My friend and I had somehow talked our husbands into taking the afternoon off!  (a big feat)   While we were in the water, a woman came over to us and asked a question (about restaurants in the area maybe?  I honestly don't remember now!) and right away I could see her parents in Spirit.  She happened to be in our area cleaning out their condo and was resting a bit herself.  Very cool.


*Amazing readings I remember foremost*
Honestly, every reading I do is quite remarkable.  They're each very personal and I'm always so humbled to be a part of someone's world for a point in time.  Yet, some of the readings that make me smile immediately and those I will never forget?
~A woman my age (45) had read with me a few times and every single time I'd see her "with child".  Finally, during one reading I told her - "I keep seeing you pregnant" and she laughed...and laughed...she even asked me, "what are you smoking?  Crack?"  and we laughed some more.  Well, about 2 months after that last reading, she called me.  Guess what?  She was pregnant!  And yes, she had a healthy baby!  What fun!
~While on the phone with one client, I kept hearing the word "Tahiti".  I asked her, "are you getting married?"  Yes.   "So, are you seriously going to Tahiti for your honeymoon?"  YES!!!!!!!!!!  (Wow)
~My wonderful friend's fur-baby passed suddenly.  I did not know the details yet but found my cell phone dialing her number one day!  (It was sitting next to me - I swear I never touched it!  Very odd!)  So - she and I started to chat and she told me she was really at her 'lowest' when my phone called hers.  And then, out of the blue, pops in her fur-baby!  Now, I'm definitely not the dog-whisperer - haha - and on rare occasions will animals pop in.  But there we were!  He showed me exactly how he passed - explained to me (and my friend) how well he was now - and even showed me his favorite toys (Spirit is always gracious to validate themselves).  It was a joyous moment and one I will never forget!


Keep up your questions!  If you have more, email them to me at [email protected] or comment below!

Happy Day to all!
My love,
Mary Rose
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Before any and all readings, I pray, "Lord, may my words be Your Words".

After one very long, emotional reading with a cancer patient - I had a long 'argumental chat' with God on my way home. "WHY did I speak those words?  HOW did that come up?  You WERE there, right??  Am I helping, healing or hurting?" and the tears and worries continued.

I passed about 5 McDonald's on my long drive home and finally decided to just go in to order a drink (I haven't been to a McD's for myself in years and I can't remember the last time I actually have been inside one...but the drive-thru line was so long...).

I found only myself inside!  LOL  Then suddenly before I ordered, I heard my name being called.  In had walked an older woman whom I had read for twice.  I was shocked as I knew her husband recently passed and she had sold her home and moved!!

She explained that she came back into town for only 4 hours - enough time to sign one last paper and was headed back 'north'.  She decided to run into the restaurant for coffee as she headed out of town and suddenly - there we were!

We chatted a bit and laughed at the scenario - and then she took my hands, looked me directly in my eyes before we parted and said, "I want you to know that you have changed my world. I would not have been as strong, courageous without you praying with me and giving me the Love, insight and the WORDS I needed to be where I am today.  I thank you and love you for it all."

We hugged and said goodbye....for now.

And my tears immediately turned to those of happiness and peacefulness the rest of my ride home.
Yes, I looked up and thanked Him.  For it was His voice in her words.  It was Him....not us.

It's never about us.
xo

All of my life, I was connected to those who had crossed over (to God).  It was very normal and natural to me.  I will explain the details in a future blog post but for now, that's the back story.  :)

In my mid-30's, I was Blessed to work at our church.  For 8 years, I was enraptured in the role of Director of Children's & Youth Ministries.  Our church, that program and those kids/families became my entire world.  My husband co-Directed and we taught side-by-side.  All 5 of our children were in the program at one time or another; to one extent or another.  Those years were some of the very best times of my life and absolutely some of the worse times of my life.  It was a time of pure growth.

I was brought up Roman Italian Catholic (school and all) ~ My husband was brought up Presbyterian.  We ended up becoming members of and taught at a United Methodist Church.  Interesting, uh?  :)  

In any faith circle, I did not feel comfortable to even mention my Sensitivities.  I'm sure anyone reading this can understand.  So, while growing up, I shut them down.  

i noticed though, in particular while working at my home church during those eight years, my intuition grew exponentially.  And no, it wasn't like I would be in the building at night and saw things or heard anything - I just could feel myself gaining a real relationship with God.  One that would eventually overpower anything "Earthly".  I felt as if He was really forcing me to grow.  It felt a bit unnerving to me, I admit! As time went on, it was as if He kicked open very large, double doors to my soul!  I was receiving information, clarification, even "video images" in my mind of certain situations and conversations.  In many ways, my soul was coming alive again.  

A few times, i received messages from Spirit (those who have crossed over) in my dreams.
Sidenote: I believe we receive messages in dreamstate because it's simply easier, less frightening.  :)  

I remember one 'dream', in particular, towards the end of those 8 years.  I was visiting with a man who clearly told me who he was - showed me what he looked like while here in his physical state a long time ago.  He wanted me to wish his wife a very Happy Birthday.  She was turning 91, if I remember correctly.  He kept showing me the exact flowers he wanted to present to her - he said the words "peaches and cream" to me over and over again (probably so I wouldn't forget!).  He even went as far as showing me the piano which was at her home and the very small booklets that were displayed across that piano.  He also showed me his arms stretched out wide as if he was welcoming her home - although, he stood in the front doors of our church.  

He also was very adamant that I call her and give her his message "before 8:30am"!  I mean "BEFORE 8:30am!!"  Although, he was very sweet about it...  :)

When I awoke that morning, I was afraid.  You see, this wonderful man happened to say he is the father of my friend - who is also one of the pillars of our church.  I would have to really trust in God that I would be 'safe' and that my friend (and her mother) would accept this message.  Then I had to trust that I would not be ridiculed or scorned - or fired.  I had a LOT to think about.  But the whole time I was "thinking/pondering/shaking" his words of "Before 8:30am" took precedence!  So, I gave all caution to the wind, said a prayer, and called my friend.  Yes, just before 8:30am.  

I explained quickly that I do sometimes "have these weird dreams" but felt a strong need to pass along 'these messages' - and thus, I did.  My friend was very kind to me and explained that yes, indeed it was her mother's birthday today and "it's a good thing you got a hold of me now because I am taking her to get her hair done at 8:30 and we'll probably be gone all day!"  ;)   

That Sunday while at Worship, my friend came to me during a hymn with tears, hugged me and thanked me for our conversation.  You see, apparently every word was confirmed.  The flowers were her mother's favorite, the 'peaches and cream' sang love notes to her ears,  and the piano apparently does don lovely small booklets, on display.  She explained to me how much her mother's heart opened and smiled.  She used words like "blessed" and "healing" to describe the experience.  My heart pounded - with delight and happiness for them both!

As it turned out, that was her mother's last birthday here in the physical world.  I had a feeling that was why her husband was spreading his arms wide in welcoming.  Although, I'm glad I never mentioned my suspicions. 


Only a few other times did I received strong messages and felt brave enough to share with those close friends/members of our congregation after that point, not to mention the mail lady, a fellow grocery-shopper and a friend of one of my older children.   I was honest in expressing my fears and my life-long Sensitivities to each person.  I did see a few other Spirits alongside some sons and daughters but I knew when to speak of it - and when to swallow it.  I said many prayers of forgiveness when I did not talk.  :)   I felt so bad but there were times back then that I could just not do it.

As I close this blog up, you may be wondering, "Were you ever found out?  Ever ridiculed?"  Yes.  And even with that, God's Hand was guiding the process.  I am sure of it.  You see, remember that vacation I spoke about in my first blog's story?  Well, while on that particular vacation, we made the decision to move there.  On the long drive home, after placing a PO in on a home, I began to rethink our very spontaneous-seeming decision!  I was having panic attacks the whole drive, praying to God to give me answers.  The day after we arrived home, I found out that while I was away those 10 days, one very out-spoken person in our congregation 'found out', spoke negatively about my Gifts to many people within the Pastor's downline - and yes, to our Pastor himself.  This person was putting the heat on for my resignation for I was "of the devil".  Well, at least that's what I heard.  This person never did come to me, as I do remember the Bible recommending ;)   I did ask for such communication and conversation but nothing.  And even though most did come to me and talk - and at least tried to understand, demonstrating His Love - I knew it was God's way of saying, "time to move on now".  So, I did.  And if I hadn't continued on with our move decision, I would not be where I am today - at Peace and doing what I must have been built to do afterall.  And every time I question myself, He gives me an uplifting and undeniable answer.  'Cuz you know, as I like to say, "He's good like that."  :)

The following is the very first REAL experience I had in many, many years that absolutely propelled me to move forward as a Medium, professionally.  For me personally, this experience blew away many doctrines that I learned along the way  ~  almost 30 years melted in one afternoon.  This experience taught me to "get out of my own way" - for it's not about me....it's about Healing.  This took place exactly 12 months to our big move.  ;)  Please enjoy...

My Visit from Jimmy
August 2013

I was constantly aware of this “psychic ability,” but before I really knew what to do with it, I found myself interrupted while gardening one summer morning.

No one was around me—or so I thought. I placed my hands in the dirt and packed more of that brown, wet, wormy stuff around my plant but I kept finding myself looking up to my left.  This went on for about half an hour.  

I finally said, “Yes?” out loud even though no one was around.  “I hear you!  I even sort of SEE you. But who the heck are ya? And what am I supposed to do for you?”

Immediately, I heard in my mind, “Jimmy” and “Can you talk to my wife please?” By impulse, I agreed. I had no idea what I agreed to, but I felt as if “Jimmy” meant business and probably wasn’t going to let me garden until I at least acknowledged him.  

I went into my home and sent out an email to the only four people who knew of my “sensitive side” (and seemed to still love me for it). In the email, I explained my new friend’s name, what he looked like, the fact he had a walking cane (on Earth at least he used one) and other details.  One thing he also showed me was a vision of myself driving an SUV, not paying attention, veering into traffic and then–that was it.  I woke back up from my strange daydream.

Three of the email recipients responded back to me right away, none knowing who Jimmy was or could have been.  It wasn’t until a few hours later I received a text from the last recipient (my step-mother) stating, “Hey, the guy your father bought his motorcycle from was named Jimmy and he used a cane.  Died by suicide a year or two ago. I think he was driving a small car though.”

That not only settled into my bones as a chilly spell but was also very ironic being that I was involved in a suicide prevention rally that coming weekend!  This was all making sense to me now.  Jimmy knew I was connected to the rally–I was connected to him through my father. I got it!

Then came the hard part.  I needed to contact his wife.  I sat with my father first and discussed it with him.  Naturally, his concern was if it was really Jimmy. In my bones and my soul, I absolutely knew it was.  It’s always difficult to explain to anyone why I know; I just feel it.

I found Jimmy’s wife Sarah on Facebook and messaged her with a quick note of who I am, the usual “I know this sounds strange, but…” and asked her to contact me on my cell if ever or when she felt comfortable to do so.

Within five minutes of sending Jimmy’s wife, Sarah, a note on Facebook, she called me.  I remember the feeling of excitement and anxiety all around Jimmy and myself.

As we talked, she confirmed the details I described: his bad leg, cane, attributes, appearance, demeanor, the fact that he died in an SUV. People claimed he died of suicide, but Sarah and her son never believed it.  Ever.

As we chatted, Jimmy showed up.  He was emphatic that he, in fact, did not take his own life.  He would never do that to Sarah and his children.  It’s just not in his loving nature to do something so selfish and he wanted to let her know once and for all.

At this point, I felt all was well. I did my part and Sarah had her confirmation.  I was ready to make dinner.  However, spirits have their own agenda as I found these words pouring out of my mouth before my earthly brain could stop them…

“He says he’s so sorry for the words he said just before he died.  He never meant them.  He was tired, exhausted really.  There were so many things happening around the marriage that he couldn’t control and he acted purely out of frustration.  Again, he is sorry.  He loves you.  He has always loved you.”

When my earthly senses finally caught up, I squinted my eyes as if the sunlight was directly reaching into them.  It hurt to “watch” this unfold.  I could only hear Sarah sobbing on the other end of my phone.  I asked myself–and Jimmy—what just happened?  What did I just do?  He seemed calm.  I could hear his voice in my head saying, “Don’t think of what you just said.  It’s not about you.  This is about Sarah and me.”

I let Sarah cry for a bit until I heard her muster the words, “He asked me for a divorce the day before he passed.”  Shocked and completely confused I asked her to repeat what she said… and she did.

Apparently, this is why friends would ask her what she was going to do. What would she tell people, as everyone assumed he passed by his own desire.  But her love for Jimmy prevailed as well.  She truly knew him.  And his message came at a pivotal time in her life as she recently was asked out to dinner by a nice man.  But her questions, her pain in all its physical and spiritual manifestations confused her and blurred her reasoning.  Now, Jimmy released her with his forever love.  It was a beautiful moment.

Sarah caught up with me about a month later.  She was beginning this new chapter in her life and was able to smile and laugh again.  She began a new point of healing.

Me too.

I will always be grateful for Jimmy.